I don’t want to start by talking about the weather.
I was walking on a campus path, a transition from one class to another. Next to me, walking, was a round black girl. I walked past her.
She said “you made nice comments.”
I gave a reflex, dead “thank you.” I glanced at her and continued to walk.
I wanted to talk to her. Say something. For no other reason than to acknowledge the appreciation I felt for her compliment. I didn’t turn to face her. I wanted to. The moment passed but I thought about talking to her even after we went down separate paths.
In other lives I spoke with her. Asked about her thoughts. I was warm.
But I didn’t talk to her. I said “thank you,” and regretted.
I was walking on a campus path, a transition from one class to another. Next to me, walking, was a round black girl. I walked past her.
She said “you made nice comments.”
I gave a reflex, dead “thank you.” I glanced at her and continued to walk.
I wanted to talk to her. Say something. For no other reason than to acknowledge the appreciation I felt for her compliment. I didn’t turn to face her. I wanted to. The moment passed but I thought about talking to her even after we went down separate paths.
In other lives I spoke with her. Asked about her thoughts. I was warm.
But I didn’t talk to her. I said “thank you,” and regretted.
Labels: thoughts
posted by Nate Mecham at 2:07 PM
8 Comments:
Why do we do that? Why not talk? Why not express? I think a lot of us do that. But Nate, you are warm. :)
I often wonder which is worse, saying something to someone and later regretting having said it, or keeping quiet and later wishing I had vocalized my thoughts.
Why is it so difficult to share even the simplest of compliments with others? What is it that we think we might lose?
I generally communicate with the idea that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. As a result I find myself leaving conversations and classes unfulfilled, wishing I had enough courage to express my insights.
Although I find holding back can be hindering, I still wonder which is worse.
Ralph Waldo Emmerson said "Speak what you think to-day in words as hard as cannon-balls and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.”
There is no reason to be insecure. It's okay, I'm cool with your humanness.
Here Here!
I have always thought it better to speak and feel bad about it then to keep my mouth shut, kind of a, begging for forgiveness is easier than asking for permission. I don't know, but, we kind of like ants. Just like in WakingLife, like the wierd red head said, we are like ants just going along in a polite way. Paper or platic, please and thank you. I have also found that talking gets you into trouble. People like interaction, but only to a polite point. Take for example, a crowed airport gate, you walk up and need to sit some where. People are spaced out, no one sitting by a stranger, there is required at least a seat between you and the next person. People like thier space, if only to be polite. I have even sat on the floor to avoid sitting right next to a person. Sometimes all we want to do is share a polite word and move on, we don't want to know about the weather. I found that when you begin to talk about the weather, the person gets uncomfortable because you are "invading." Don't feel bad for being polite, becuase sometimes people only want you to be.
But then when do you get to be who you really are instead of worrying about others all the time? That might have come out sounding selfish but mean it completely opposite. Why not sit next to someone you don't know at the airport? What if they didn't sit next to people because they thought the same thing you did? What if everyone is so concerned about what others think that they miss rare and valuable opportunities that could have been wonderful? Sure... be nice to others but be yourself to make others comfortable rather than changing that. I think you will find that others want those instances. And some don't. For example- walking on campus the other day I met a girl. We made eye contant and smiled. Usually you would look away, turn, or walk past but we stopped asked how the other was doing,laughed and talked about various things. It made my day. I still to this day don't know her name where she is from etc and have not seen her since... BUT- it impacted me and made me realize that those moments are wonderful. So many times I am too chicken or too concerned with what the other might do or think that I miss out. Why not try? And how you said some people like interaction but only politely.... what is polite to others can come across very differently to others. Nate and me aren't always so polite to eachother. He beats me and I cry but to me its no big deal while to others it can come across "not polite." :) Other cultures have less personal space than others.... and on and on. Anyways I know I am rambling but you don't feel bad about being polite. You feel bad for not being able to get across what you really wanted too. There is a time when you need to realize that you can't always please everyone. You have to be you. I know there is more to it than just this... a whole lot more. Just some random thoughts...
And when I say that Nate beats me and i cry I really mean to say that we play fight and I laugh... Don't get confused... Nate is good. :)
Nate and I fought today, he couldn't beat anyone. So you should laugh when he beats you.
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